Arseholes and chips, pissed on

If there was any doubt that El Diego would not live up the ‘comedy circus’ billing that I gave him a few short weeks back, they have been well and truly dashed over the last couple of days.

While I was chasing round like a blue-arsed fly (they exist, probably) trying to find a wifi hotspot that actually worked to fill you in on the latest Diegoism's, our hero was commencing the extraction of 30 years worth of revenge on the media. Limb by limb.

Jumping into his Mini (I had him down as driving a roofless military jeep) en route to a press conference earlier this week, the main man, was, as usual, mobbed by the collective, humming (get close enough and you’ll see what I mean) throng that operate under the moniker of ‘paparazzi’. In the melee of flashlights and clicks that followed, one clumsy oaf carelessly left his leg right in the path of a vehicle yielding Maradona.

Before you could say ‘injured in an accident that wasn’t your fault?’ El Diego had mangled a photographers lower leg, rolled down his window and offered a full verbal tirade to the hapless snapper; “What an arsehole you are,” Maradona shouted, “How can you put your leg there where it can get run over, man?”. Arsehole indeed. Why would anyone put their leg in that dangerous region twixt foot, hip and Maradona. Arsehole.

Whilst the cameraman was receiving treatment and, no doubt, entertaining offers of publishing deals and a mini series, Diego was brandishing his next weapon of choice, an axe, delivering notice of exactly where this fell on his original 30 man seleccion for South Africa.

Fabricio Coloccini, José Sosa, Juan Mercier, Ezequiel Lavezzi, Sebastián Blanco, Juan Manuel Insaurralde and Jesús Dátolo all had their collective chips pissed on by Maradona and will need to look elsewere for their kicks (see what I did there) this summer.

So we are now down to 23, and categorically into World Cup mode. I'll cover the lucky lads position by position over the coming days so you know the ins and outs for your fantasy football teams etc

It's three weeks today that the whole carry on gets going. Excited yet?