Diego Maradona - Not Gay

Post South Korea match musings from your friend and mine, El Diego;

Asked why he always hugs and kisses his players;

“Well, I still prefer women. I am dating Veronica who is blond and 31-years-old

Maradona; "I've got a girlfriend, you know"

No, I have not gone limp wristed [homosexual]. But I like to acknowledge and congratulate my players when they play as well as they did today. That was a pleasing result and display. It was a job well done."

And back to Pelé and Platini:

“Platini has sent me a letter explaining that he never said what you [the press] told me. I apologize to him but not to Pele.”

Genius.

Just in case there was any doubt as to why IBWM ever got started

IBWM World Cup Update - day....erm...it's got better!

Fifty English pounds.

I think that's more than reasonable.

That's the amount IBWM has handed over to it's friendly local bookmaker as a stake toward Mexico and Uruguay ending up in a draw.  Which it will.  Has there ever been a worse national coach than Raymond Domenech?

I hope you have managed to catch all of the games over the last day or so, dear reader, as there has been a marked improvement to what we have seen so far.

Let's face facts here; despite all the pomp and ceremony, and unless you are German, the first round of games were fairly shy-ite, however you look at it.  This was enough for for the blame to be placed squarely at Vuvuzelas, Jabulanis and altitude (aka the three big names from South Africa 2010 so far), by every available commentator.  

Twaddle.  

These teams only have three games, not a full season, to get it right so the fear of losing the first game is massive, basically.  I also think that your clubs are so enveloped in not being relegated or dropping out of the Champions League etc these days that your modern player is well schooled in the 'avoid at all costs' scenario.  So with this in mind, cagey performances must be inevitable.  Well that's how this correspondent sees it anyway.

Things are picking up though, and the Spain Switzerland game is looking like the watershed.  But before we all draw a veil over the first round of games, lets draw some comparisons.  You can draw your own conclusions.  That's a lot of drawing.

The IBWM science lab team; look just like you would expect them to

Just after the Spain Switzerland game, Professor Liddletowers, our in-house statistician, came running up excitedly from the IBWM science lab with the following (loving your work Dr Graeme by the way!);

I've just been having a little look at the stats since the WC expanded to 32 teams i.e. from France '98.

In the opening 16 games of 2010 there has been 27 goals scored with only 4 teams managing to score more than one goal.

The 16 opening games of 2006 gave us 39 goals scored with 9 teams scoring more than one goal.

In 2002 we got 46 goals with 10 teams scoring more than one goal.

And finally, in '98 a total of 37 goals were scored in the opening games with 11 teams managing more than one goal.

So, what do these statistics show?  Well for me it kind of puts to bed the theory that this happens every 4 years.   It doesn't, that is a fact.

Either the opening games have been far more cagey this year, or the teams are struggling to score goals for some other reason early on in the competition.

A lot of controversy has arisen about the new ball, fair enough, could be that.   It could also be down to just a basic lack of quality.

But interestingly the only time we had another world cup with fewer than 4 teams managing 2 goals in their opening games was Mexico '86 where 24 teams played at altitude.

Maybe the goals will start flying in once they acclimatise.

Comments welcome.

Argentina 4 South Korea 1 - Messi, Tevez and Higuain in control

Argentina lined up for their second Group B game against South Korea today with Coach Diego Maradona again sporting a natty grey suit, selecting Maxi Rodriguez to cover for the rested/injured Juan Sebastien Veron. 

Argentina looked full of intent right from the start, and Maradona had barely completed the last of his eight signs of the cross before lively Benfica winger Angel Di Maria made a slalom like run at the Korean defence only to find the side netting in the the 4th minute.

With Messi and Tevez causing problems, South Korea barely looked like a side capable of competing with the South Americans.  Indeed on 17 minutes, the gulf in class was fully illustrated as a shell-shocked Park Chu Young eased a decent, but not spectacular, Leo Messi corner into his own net to give La Albiceleste the lead.

Tevez continued to dominate proceedings and saw his 28th minute free kick sail just over the bar, to the relief of South Korean custodian Jung Sung-ryong.  When I say relief, I'm not referring to any potential goal, but Tevez had hit the ball so hard, Sung-ryong would have been lucky to retain his arm had he a got a hand to the Manchester City strikers effort.

Tevez was involved again with a typically dogged run down the Korean right that led to a Maxi Lopez free kick which was nodded home, almost in slow motion, by Gonzalo Higuain.  2-0 and coasting, with a stunning Messi lob also going close.

It was very nearly 3 just before the break, with a wicked cross/shot from Higuain that had Sung-ryong stretching, before making a theatrical save from Di Maria.  That looked to be that, but on the stroke of half time, DiMichelis in the Argentina defence was caught napping and allowed Lee Chung Yong time to finish.  2-1 and game on.

A clearly fired up South Korea emerged from the dressing room for the second half but Argentina continued to press, with Sung-ryong making a point blank save from a Higuain  effort and a smart stop from Carlos Tevez's shot.  

The game was beginning to swing more toward the Koreans and Guttierez was booked for a foul and subsequent reaction (sensibly getting a suspension out of the way now), Mascherano quickly following suit, but yet again, Higuain found himself in the right place at the right time.  

A neat through ball from substitute Sergio Aguero found an onrushing Leo Messi whose shot returned back from the post to give the Barcelona maestro a second chance to cross, with Higuain given the easiest of finishes.

Higuain completed his hat-trick moments later following a sublime move with a deft lofted cross from Leo Messi being expertly tucked away by the head of the Real Madrid striker.

Final score, Argentina 4, South Korea 1.

Totally comfortable in the end, although South Korea did have their moments.  What will El Diego take from this?  Having to replace Walter Samuel due to an injury in the first half will be a concern.  The Argentine defence never looked totally at ease once he went off, and this correspondent was far from surprised when Di Michellis made an absolute hash of things to allow South Korea to score.

Yellow cards are mounting too, with bookings in this one for Javier Mascherano and 'not a right back' Jonas Guttierez, who will miss the Greece game (albeit quite sensibly).  El Diego will also have to watch himself with the regular waving of the imaginary yellow card so far going unpunished.  I suspect referees in the latter stages of the tournament will not be quite so forgiving.  If El Diego has a pop at Sepp Blatter this week, the card waving might just get their attention.

All said and done, there were elements of the best and worst about Argentina today.  Occasionally rattled in defence, but far more often devastating in attack, and it was attack that won through, yet again.  Messi, although yet to score, is clearly operating at  top level, and is being ably assisted by Tevez and Higuain.  Look out Greece.

No Veron, but not yet time for Chelsea target Pastore

Diego Maradona today confirmed the devastating and truly shocking news.  

Suffering from a calf injury, Juan Sebastien Veron will not be risked for Argentina against South Korea on Thursday.  Gulp.

Could things possibly be any worse.......ok, ok, I've overplayed things a bit.  I just hope El Diego realises the dent he's put in this correspondent's fantasy football team.  Calf injury?  Listen, if he can stand up, he's in......grrrrr.

That's the main news regarding La Albiceleste this evening ahead of Argentina's second group game with the hyperactive Koreans, as revealed at El Diegos' pre match press conference earlier today.  But it wasn't all just pre-match build up; Maradona still had time to maintain his ongoing ding dong with Pelé, and Michel Platini also got dragged in;

"I always had a distant relationship with Platini," said El Diego, in response to criticism raised by the UEFA president regarding Maradona's managerial qualifications, or rather, lack of. "It was 'Hi' and 'Bye', never more than that. But we know how the French are and Platini is French. He believes he's better than everyone else.".

So that's another one off the Christmas card list, and one less holiday venue.  To be fair to Diego, while he has never been slow to put the boot in when necessary, it does appear that others appear more concerned with casting the first stone.  

That said, when Diego was asked his opinion on the World Cup ball, he just couldn't resit another pop; "Everbody's talking about it," he said, referrimng to the much maligned Jabulani. "It does play a part and it is important. I would ask Pelé and Platini to go out and try this ball and see if it's any good, and stop talking about me".  

Diego is available for weddings and funerals, please contact Julio Grondona at the AFA for further details.

"Hi", "Bye"

Back to South Korea then.  I'm expecting a sterner test for El Diego's side in this game, with the only likely change being Maxi Lopez in for Veron.  Lopez has the experience, although is unlikely to play the same sort of role as 'Seba'.  Perhaps this could have been an opportunity for Palermo's Javier Pastore to step up to the plate, he's in form and has been long earmarked for the Veron role, but IBWM can see the logic in going for Lopez. 

I'ev already singled young Javier out for praise (see introducing the pretenders - part one), and his rise to greatness looks assured (I note that Chelsea have been heavily linked with him again this week). Although maybe next time, eh son?

Comments welcome

South Africa 2010 - getting any better?

 

Well it has to get better...and it will.....although the last 25 minutes of Brazil v North Korea was fun.  Over to IBWM's in-house anger mangement consultant, Il Duce;

 

I'm thoroughly hacked-off at the moment, I feel like FIFA have let me down like a cheap pair of braces.  Having spent the last thirty-odd years watching the precise and meticulous game that is (apparently) beautiful - you know, the one before WC2010 where players were hitting the target on free-kicks, there were never any stray passes, and keepers were exceptional, making little if any mistakes.... 

However bring the game to SA with a new football and it’s all gone to buggery…  The ball has been replaced with a leather version of a Golden Snitch, fizzing about the place and making a fool out of the players - they've all turned into gibbering, clueless buffoons with the co-ordination of drunken foals.....* 

Why oh, why would they do this, can’t they remember that the same thing happened the last time they changed the ball in 2006???  Hmmmm......

*Obviously not helped by the locals sucking the air out the atmosphere with their vuvuzelas and replacing it with a high frequency 'hum' inhibiting the various national coaches of being able to even think football never mind manage it...

Comments welcome. 

Capello, Gascoigne and Riquelmé

A few stories have reached the IBWM inbox today that pricked up this correspondent's ears.  

Considering its all visual, I’m not exactly sure how that worked.

Firstly, IBWM has sat back and watched the English media begin to assume the position, with Don Fabio Capello firmly in their sites.  It didn’t take long. 

 

 Fabio Capello, yesterday

I’m beginning to think that not qualifying for the last European Championships has induced a sort of tournament amnesia in the English public.  It seems to me that just about everyone has forgotten how the song goes.  Even in Italia ‘90, England were far from spectacular for large periods.  The 0-0 draw with the Dutch in the second game back then showed intent though, and England probably played their best football in the tournament in the ultimately fruitless Semi Final defeat to West Germany.  But inbetween there was little to get excited about.  Of course that was with a side with a lot more potential, but you have to wonder how this one will work out.  IBWM refuses to call judgement on anyone just yet.........although Australia and Cameroon are clearly fooked.

Going back to that West Germany game; it was, of course, the match that really catapulted Paul Gascoigne into mega-stardom.  IBWM has met Gazza a couple of times down the years and he’s dropped from being the life and soul to the embodiment of pity, bless him.  I was particularly sad to hear that Paul’s’ latest transgression has resulted in him being treated in a Newcastle hospital following a car crash.  And a car crash is as near to a perfect analogy of Gazza’s life as you will ever get. 

 

I can still see that turn in the Holland game when Gazza actually out-Cryuffed the Dutch defence and left Richard Witschge and Ronal Koeman on their arses, metaphorically anyway.  Genius.  But he could do that.   

To this day I wonder whether, on leaving IBWM’s parish (Newcastle), Gazza had only made his way to the tutelage of Alex Ferguson at Manchester United rather than follow Chris Waddle's bizarre accent path to Tottenham.  I’ve no doubt that cockernee wide-boy-in-chief Terry Venables got the best out of his player…..but it’s the bright lights of London that did the damage.  Considering the era, maybe Gazza could have entered Italia 90 with mop top shoulder length hair, baggy jeans and Stone Roses album under his arm, rather than the knocking out sad duets with Kenny Lynch and those Chas/Dave characters.  It could all have been so beautiful, it really could…….

Happy days

But then again, at Manchester United, he might just have keep his best performances for his club, where he has been effectively brainwashed into a role, rather than doing it for his country……mentioning no names.

And sticking with no names, here’s one that wasn’t in Diego Maradona’s 23 man Argentina squad; Juan Roman Riquelme.  I’ve read today that the adult interest salesman that make up the ownership of West Ham have launched a 'bid' for his services that is in no way any kind of publicity stunt.  No way, no siree, definitely not.  Just like their ‘reported’ moves for David Beckham and Thierry Henry aren’t either.  

I suspect West Ham, like most other clubs in England, are particularly short of cash…..something that at this stage in their careers will not appeal to Juan Roman, or any of the others for that matter.  Still, probably best to talk these things up.  “I’m not asking twenty, I’m not asking ten”.  

Stereotyping?, moi?

 
Hey ho……..

Day 3

We're still all clearly in the 'feeling each other out' department at the moment eh?  The team at the World Cup I mean, don't get too excited, dear reader.

Not the Germans though.

I've just watched them comprehensively pull Australia apart in a 4-0 win with no indication whatsoever that Michael Ballack was being missed.  Mesut Ozil pulled all the strings, as predicted earlier on in IBWM (see introducing the pretenders) and looked as lively as anyone so far, Leo Messi included.

I mentioned in that post that England had pretty much lived off the 5-1 win in Munich in 2001for the bulk of the last 9 years.  In all that time, the Germans have looked, on paper at least, like an inferior side with no world stars.  Meanwhile the golden boys of the England team strutted their way across premiership screens in China, India and Timbuktu.  Of course during all this, the Germans were rebuilding, yet still managed to get to the latter stages, even finalists, in World Cups and European Championships.  

By the summer of 2009, Germany were European under-21 champions with a good half a dozen players ready to step up to the full national side.  And so here they are.  With the exception of two players effectively challenging for the same position in Walcott and Lennon, England only have the effervescent Rooney and decidedly average James Milner not kicking around their 30's.

Anyway, I'll get back off my soapbox now.  

 £30 million?  Jesus............

Nothing to write home about today, if we're going to be brutally honest, and we are.  Algeria and Slovakia offered very little, although Ghana against Serbia had it's moments.  More a tale of who was best equipped to handle a 'must win' game out of these two.  Ghana, carrying the weight of expectation from an African nation, had a bit of cut and thrust about them, while Serbia, quite simply, froze on the big stage.

As for Argentina, just in case you thought I'd forgotten, it was a day of reflection.  Saturday's 1-0 win over Nigeria might not have been as convincing as it could have been, but it doesn't half feel good to get a win under your belt, as El Diego will have noted while loosening his.

And there was praise for Maradona's tactical acumen from midfield linchpin, Juan Sebastien Veron.

We may have questioned El Diego's selection of Jonas at right back, but 'Seba' feels that there is genius at work on the coaching front.  Discussing Gabriel Heinze's sixth minute bullet header, Veron waxed lyrical about his coach;

"Diego prepared (the move) and we practised (with Heinze) for a couple of hours

"They (Nigeria) mark in zones, but bunched inside (the six yard box) leaving a very big hole . And it came off at the first attempt.

It did indeed.  But while IBWM thought 'El Gringo' (Heinze ) took his goal well, I'm not buying the move as any tactical wizardry.  If I was coaching a national side, I'd at least expect my opponents to offer a degree of man-marking, yet Nigeria didn't, and that's why they lost.  Simple as.  Sorry Diego.  Still, that should keep you in the team, Juan.

A tactical genius, last week 

As it goes, Veron may be in line to miss La Albiceleste's next game against South Korea on Thursday due to a leg injury, with Javier Pastore likely to deputise.  Tipped for bigness by IBWM, lets see how he goes.

Comments are very welcome.